Because I Said I Would Write..

but, most importantly, because I put it down in my planner or my bullet journal or somesuch and I’ve been working very hard these past 6, 7 days (I did a warm-up before New Year’s) to begin this “Write Something, Write Anything” habit of mine.

9p was my bedtime.  I’m going to push it to 9:02 to see how much I can spill onto the screen.

For a long time, I had a block regarding typing online, typing in the computer, etc.  My issue had been trust, I know, because I had been a blogger before and I remember what that was like — took up gobs of time and major portions of my life just completely drifted into shadow as I obsessed about the next post.

Since that time, I can say I grew up.

I adhered to .. well, no writing for awhile.. then I found Notebooks.  Filled plenty of them for about 2 years..

Then for the past 6 months, I’ve been experiencing a dryspell, probably because of personal issues regarding my elderly parents and fightin’, combatin’ siblings.  Compartmentalizing is tough on the writer’s mind.  I couldn’t trust writing anything, anywhere, so I stayed away.

Since I “couldn’t” bring myself to open a single notebook and express, I wondered if my subconcious was working on switching me back to the computer screen.

Because once upon a time, I absolutely ADORED typing and composing and ruminating and exploring and figuring out and opinionating and storytelling and expressing through the tap-tap-tap of my fingers..

It’s 9:06.  Definitely past my bedtime!

No Thanks, New Year’s Resolutions

slice-of-life_individual

I haven’t set any new Resolutions.  Probably because I don’t quite believe in them.  Every time I’ve set one in the past, it seemed I just another marker to forget, another rule to break.  I don’t like rules.

I also don’t like scales.  Since the beginning of last year, I set my mind to eating healthier and trying to exercise everyday — or at least several times a week.  I’ve lost a couple of dress sizes.  If I need to, I can break into a fast jaunt, jog, sprint even.  And not be breathless afterward.  Not once did I put my feet on a scale to measure my weight loss.  I don’t like scales.

So, no.. scales and resolutions .. these are forms of personal measurement I’ve had a track record of ignoring.  Over time, they “made me” feel bad about myself, so I actually did whatever I could to get rid of them .  I plotted out and schemed my way out of them while they squatted in the front recesses of my mind, provoking me at every turn.  “Can you really get rid of me?  You’ve lost.  You didn’t keep your word.  Worse, you put on weight, hurt your health instead of the opposite.  You failure.”

No.  No resolutions.

But –this doesn’t mean I don’t set goals.

I do set goals.  I let ideas stew in my mind for weeks and weeks to set goals.  I immerse myself in the steps of execution to set my goals.  In a way, I’m very brutal with what I allow into my realm of thinking as I prepare to  set my goals.  And in the end .. I just live the life of psyching myself out to set goals.

So far, this is worked a lot better than setting New Year’s Resolutions.

Here’s what I’ve psyched myself out for this year.  It’s been about 3 months coming:

  1. I got a personal planner.  I intend to pay more attention to what I’m doing daily — with the intention to set personal goals for myself AND FOLLOWING THROUGH.
    (– does this give you a hint as to why I don’t do Resolutions?  Yep.  Lack of follow through.  I know it.)
  2. I will write everyday.  Everyday.  Everyday, everyday, everyday.  And I shant be afraid to write what I want to write — if it’s soft, on teaching, violent, provoking, angry, loving, spiritual, wondering — I will write.
  3. I will blog.  In several places.   Just to learn to take risks.
  4. I will detach from things that hold me down.  Like, stuff.  Mental stuff, physical stuff, emotional stuff.  I’m too old for some stuff.
  5. I will write everyday.
  6. I will quit procrastinating.  Because I’m too old for some stuff.
  7. I will take more risks.
  8. I will be friendlier.  And love more people this year.
  9. I will remember who I am — because the rush of my job keeps me from remembering who I am.  And I need to take care of me.
  10. I will amend this list as needed.  And always pretend it’s the first-ish of the year.  🙂

Happy New Year.  🙂